


⏮ Skip to the start

by taeyong (yuraxchan)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bad Parenting, Best Friends, Coming Out, Consensual Underage Sex, Dysfunctional Family, Friends to Lovers, Gay Character, M/M, Mention Of Suicide Attempt, Mention of drug withdrawal, Pansexual Character, Past Drug Addiction, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Written for NCT Write Write Summer 2017, mention of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-11-30 09:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11461044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/taeyong
Summary: “Make me stop being sad.” he repeats, looking him in the eyes. He seems curious, apprehensive, but hopeful too.Youngho hesitates. Comes closer. Stops. Then smiles.“Wanna watch cute videos of puppies?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for everyone who read, liked and commented this fic during the fest and/or after the reveals! ♥ Skip to the start is my last contribution to the NCT ficdom :) It's been one hell of a ride but I won't ever regret being part of this ficdom. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting my fics y'all! Take care of you and keep supporting our babies NCT :3
> 
>  
> 
> ♫
> 
>  
> 
> All the underage tags are because they're underage in most countries. Despite the warnings, the fic isn't that bad but I'd rather be safe than sorry. 
> 
> One chapter corresponds to one week. There's one song per day so seven songs per week/per chapter. Click on each day to listen to the song. You can also just hover on the link to know the artist and the song if you don't like to listen to music while reading. 
> 
> Youngho has a [tumblr](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com) but you should wait until the end of the fic to scroll through it because the latest posts show events happening after the end of the fic. All the fake posts I created for the fic are under [tagged/bf](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/tagged/bf). Don't forget to read the captions of those posts ;) 
> 
> To the prompter: I don't know if that's what you had in mind when you prompted this but I hope you'll enjoy the story! I had fun writing it :)
> 
>  
> 
> [Vietnamese translation of the fic by Yellow now available!](https://seetheyellow.wordpress.com/2018/05/05/%E2%8F%AE-skip-to-the-start-1/)
> 
>  
> 
> [Spanish translation available!](https://www.wattpad.com/story/143041895-saltar-al-inicio-johnyong/parts)

“I wish I could have a normal year, ya know,” Taeyong slurs. “Just a fucking normal year.”

Youngho’s eyes soften. He watches mournfully as his best friend takes another gulp of vodka and sighs. “Normal is boring.”

Taeyong snorts, side-eyeing him incredulously. “I desperately need _boring_ right now. I wish my life was boring, okay.”

“You don’t need boring, you need...stable.” Youngho offers, bumping their shoulders together in a semblance of comfort.

Taeyong puckers his lips thoughtfully. “Well, that too.” He drinks some more before handing the bottle to Youngho. Shaking his head no, he instantly regrets it when Taeyong takes another gulp of the alcoholic beverage. “You know...I’ve never thanked you. For being there. For staying. Despite,” he pauses, embarrassed. “Everything.”

“That’s what best friends are for.” Youngho replies softly.

“Maybe. But some would have dumped my ass ages ago.” Some did, he doesn’t say, which makes Youngho’s heart ache for him.

“Would have been asshole-ish.”

Taeyong chuckles. “You have no life preservation.”

“As if hanging out with you was life-threatening.” Youngho rolls his eyes and cuffs him on the head. “Stop being stupid.”

“Everyone hates me. Thinks I’m trouble!” he splutters defensively. “That I’m a waste of space.”

“You’re not.” Youngho says firmly, grabbing Taeyong’s hand holding the vodka. He takes the bottle from him, tutting and frowning when Taeyong opens his mouth to protest. “Stop it.”

“What?”

“The drinking _and_ the pity party. It doesn’t suit you, being sad.” he mumbles, putting the bottle beside him, away from Taeyong’s eyes and grabby hands.

Taeyong stares at him, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Make me then.”

Youngho arches one eyebrow.

“Make me stop being sad.” he repeats, looking him in the eyes. He seems curious, apprehensive, but hopeful too.

Youngho hesitates. Comes closer. Stops. Then smiles.

“Wanna watch cute videos of puppies?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Rolling his eyes, Taeyong groans but doesn’t refuse.

Smirking, Youngho grabs his phone and scrolls through youtube to find [a video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRf3-JkwqfU). Taeyong will be forever a softie, he thinks fondly, watching as his best friend slides closer to have a better view.

 

 

 

“Really though.” Taeyong whispers before he falls asleep later on. “I hope this year will be better.”

Youngho hums. “I’m sure it’ll be.”

_I’ll make sure it is_ , he doesn’t say. He just has to find a way to make it happen now. 


	2. Week #1

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt0g4dWxEBo) **

 

Taeyong blinks when he opens his locker and finds a CD with a small note written on it. He looks around, confused, but no one is paying attention to him. He’s a little wary to read the note. He’d received some awful ones last year. Grimacing at the memory, he still grabs the CD carefully, inspecting it before reading the note.

 

_Hello, here is a mixtape for you. There’s a song for each day of the week. I hope you’ll have a wonderful week :) See you next Monday! Xoxo_

 

Frowning, he purses his lips thoughtfully. He wonders who did this. Is someone fucking with him? Shrugging, he puts the CD in his bag, closes his locker with a sigh and heads to class. When he meets Youngho in the cafeteria later, his best friend keeps fidgeting and asking how his day is going.

“It’s the first day of the school year, how do you think I feel?” he deadpans. “It hasn’t changed from the last time you asked me how I felt...which was 5 minutes ago.”

Youngho looks sheepish and ducks his head, mumbling.

“Why are you so weird today?” Taeyong asks, suspicious.

“Says you.” Youngho replies, smirking.

Taeyong rolls his eyes and throws him a piece of bread. “Shut up.”

 

 

Taeyong has completely forgotten about the CD until he’s reaching for a textbook and grabs the CD box instead. He carelessly puts it on his desk and starts doing his homework. When he’s done, it’s quarter to seven and he’s exhausted. It’s only Monday and he feels already done with the week. The year. Well, the whole High school experience to be honest. He can’t wait to get out of here.

His gaze lands on the CD again. He sighs and decides to listen to it. It won’t hurt trying. It can’t be that bad anyway. He just hopes it’s not curses or weird recordings but real music. His CD reader on his computer doesn’t work so he has to rummage through his things in his cupboard to find his old CD player.

Putting the CD in it, he flops onto his bed, fixes the ceiling and presses play.

It reminds him of the days he would spend smoking weed with the wrong crowd last year at the same period. Taeyong aches to smoke again but he promised his parents and Youngho he would stop after... _yeah_. He promised. He doesn’t want to hurt his loved ones anymore. He’s done with all those shits.

He’s still lonely though. But the type of loneliness he experienced last year when everything came crashing down was awful. He’s not ready to go through that again. He’s not going to ruin everything just for a fleeting moment of inner peace and a fake feeling of belonging. Not anymore.

 

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXRviuL6vMY) **

 

Bored, Taeyong grabs his phone from his pocket. He frowns when a text from his mom greets him.

**From Mom**

Will you eat with us tonight?

**To Mom**

I’ll be at Youngho’s

It’s a lie but he really doesn’t want to eat diner with his whole family today. Or ever if he can help it. Sometimes his mom still tries, but she’s doing it less and less. Taeyong keeps rejecting the offer so he can’t blame her.

Taeyong remembers when he was close with his mom. It’s been ages since he’s sat down and talk to his parents. Nowadays when they talk, it ends in screams and cries so Taeyong avoids meeting with them. He hates confrontation. He hates fights. He hates disappointing them. They’re better off without him. And he’s not strong enough to face them, to face his guilt.

 

**[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y6smkh6c-0) **

 

Taeyong is having a shitty day.

Firstly, he has to run to school because it was raining and he didn’t have an umbrella, a hood or a cap. His stuff are drenched when he arrives to school.

Secondly, since his maths teacher hates him – more than usual today _of course_ – he calls him out on not doing his homework. Taeyong starts to explain that he _tried_ to do them but he’s just bad at maths but the teacher doesn’t want to listen. Of course, Taeyong defends himself and gets detention for talking back and has to stay for two hours after his classes end.

Then one of his classmates comes to ask him for weed because of the rumors circulating about him since last year. Taeyong nearly punches him in the face. He clenches his fists instead and ignores him, leaving the class quickly.

“Let’s ditch!” he groans as he slumps on the bench next to Youngho. “Please!”

Frowning, Youngho stops eating, wiping his mouth clean before talking. “What happened?”

“Life happened.”

“Dramatic much?” Youngho snorts, amused.

“I’m serious. I’m having a really bad day.” Taeyong sighs. “I’m so done with high school and its shit.”

“Anything I can help you with?”

“If you could make the rain stop, have my maths teacher stop hating me, cancel my detention, and erase my past...that would be great.” Taeyong mumbles, playing with his food.

The silence that follows surprises them both. Taeyong quickly looks in Youngho’s direction, confused. Usually, he would have already retorted something back by now. Youngho is already looking at him so he clears his throat and ducks his head.

Uncomfortable, Taeyong bites his lips when he keeps staring. “I was joking.”

“I know.”

“Wait,” Taeyong widens his eyes. “Were you really thinking about how to do all that?”

Youngho shrugs. “I can’t make people love you obviously, I can’t cancel your detention and I can’t erase your past. I can’t do much about the rain either but I can give you a lift home after your detention.” He pauses. “I don’t think you can do anything about your past though. The past is the past. But you can decide what to do now. Nothing is stopping you.”

“Not yet.” Taeyong shakes his head. “When I’ll be in uni yes, I’ll have a fresh start but not this year. The rumors are still circulating and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“It’s just a few months.” Youngho says softly. “Hang on. I’ll be right beside you okay? You’re not alone.”

Taeyong stares at him longer than necessary before cackling. “Cheesy much?”

Rolling his eyes, Youngho pinches his side. “Shut up, you love it. I’m the light of your life.”

 

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVmG_d3HKBA) ** ****

 

**From Youngho**

wanna hang out today?

**To Youngho**

what do you have in mind?

**From Youngho**

Just chillin at mine my parents are out

**To** **Youngho**

gr8, be there in 5

 

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv6dMFF_yts) **

 

“What are you drinking?” Youngho asks, his cheeks red because of the alcohol.

Taeyong giggles drunkenly. “Vodka, duh.”

“Always Vodka...”

“Make me one of your cocktails, dude.”

Putting his glass aside, Youngho grabs various bottles of beverages and mixes them up. “I don’t even know what I’m doing so sorry if it tastes like shit but you asked for it.”

“Whatever, my tongue is numb anyway.”

It startles a laugh from Youngho who sways dangerously. Taeyong quickly reaches for him, holding him by the hips.

“Oops.”

“Careful,” Taeyong slurs, back hugging him.

“I’m good you can let go.”

“You’re comfy.” Taeyong mumbles against his shirt. “Besides my head his spinning, I’m just going to stay there for a minute.”

Humming, Youngho stays motionless. “It’s been a minute.” he says suddenly.

“Oh my god you’re so annoying!”

“I’ve made you a cocktail, brat.” he says, offended, turning around in Taeyong’s embrace. Looking down at him, he pouts. “You better drink it and not puke after.”

Taeyong beams at him. “Thank youuuuuuu.” Grabbing the drink, he takes a sip and hums. “It’s good.”

Youngho keeps looking at him as he drinks, his eyes following the movement of his throat working. He licks his lips and stares at Taeyong’s pink lips touching the glass and wonders...He blinks back to reality when Taeyong pokes his chest. “What?” he whispers.

“Are you still with me?”

Youngho nods. “Yeah.”

“Your drink is good, make me another one!” At Youngho’s glare, he adds a whiny “pretty please!”

Youngho sighs and pushes him away to make him another drink.

 

**[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqeW9_5kURI) **

 

Taeyong wakes up with his face squished against Youngho’s bare chest. He groans but keeps his eyes closed. He feels Youngho move, trying to pull away, but he tightens his grip on him. “Don’t move, my head is killing me.”

Chuckling, Youngho’s hand resting on his back comes up to his face. He nearly pokes him in the eyes and Taeyong groans. “Sorry.” His thumb starts massaging his temple and Taeyong sighs contentedly. “Feels good?”

“Yeah.”

Youngho keeps rubbing his temple gently.

Taeyong presses his face closer to Youngho’s chest in response. His open mouth brushes his skin and Youngho shivers. Taeyong stills but doesn’t move away, his warm breath hitting his best friend’s skin.

Youngho can feel Taeyong’s eyelashes flutter open and close against his skin too. The sensation makes his heart beat faster but he tries to keep his cool. He doesn’t want things to get weird. They’ve found themselves in this position hundred times before after all.

His massage seems to lull Taeyong back to sleep so he stops rubbing his temple and lets him sleep. He buries his fingers in Taeyong’s soft hair to keep him close and shuts his eyes again. Just for a minute.

 

**[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAGnKpE4NCI) **

 

Taeyong looks up at the ceiling and presses play again. He hasn’t felt so peaceful in years. He’s been playing the song in loop but he doesn’t care. It helps. It helps a lot. He needs to keep those words close to his heart. He’ll be fine. He needs to trust himself more. He needs to keep going. To live. He’s going to go through this. He’ll be fine.

Yeah, he’ll be fine.


	3. Week #2

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmxjW-gKz6E) **

 

“Hey, could you lend me a pen please?” Taeyong asks one of his classmates. He hates talking to them but they have an exam and he has no other choice.

The girl widens his eyes, hesitates, and looks around.

Taeyong clenches his jaw. “Please?”

She drops her gaze and gives him a pen, making sure no one is looking as she does it. Taeyong bites the inside of his cheek and thanks her quietly. It was just a fucking pen, for Christ’ sake. He tries to ignore it and to concentrate on his exam, but the anger is there, making his insides boil.

He’s not even surprised she ignores him when he tries to give her the pen back. Cursing, he throws the pen in his bag and leaves the class, fuming.

He hates high school.

 

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68EnJITH-5Q) **

 

Taeyong can feel it sometimes, people’s judging eyes on him. The condescending glances. The curious ones. He can hear them whisper as he bypass them too. They stop talking when he enters the class or the bathroom or the locker room, but he _knows_. He knows what they’re talking about, because he’d heard it all before.

“ _Do you know? He’s a drug addict.”_

“ _I heard he killed someone last year.”_

“ _Someone told me he has HIV.”_

“ _He did a SA at the end of year...”_

“ _Isn’t his friend dead?”_

“ _It’s sad for his family...”_

“ _What is he doing there? He should have gotten expelled.”_

Youngho grabs his wrist as he’s spacing out, eating quietly at the cafeteria. “Hey.”

Taeyong’s shoulders slump in relief. “Hey.”

“What’s up?” his best friend inquires, sitting beside him.

“I hate this place.”

Chuckling, Youngho nods. “We’re on the same boat, dude.”

Taeyong feels guilty. Youngho is popular, loved by everyone. He’s a good kid, has good grades, a big heart, he’s good in sports too. He shouldn’t have to stay with Taeyong. He shouldn’t be friends with Taeyong.

As if reading his thoughts, Youngho bumps their shoulders together and offers him beaming smile. “Let’s hang out tonight, yeah?”

Taeyong grins back. “Sure.”

 

**[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5goc_uJiDY) **

 

“Taeyong,” his mom calls before he could disappear in his room. “Wait!”

He stops in his tracks and waits, his gaze on the ground.

“Your father wants to talk to you, so please come eat with us tonight.”

Nodding, he quietly leaves, closing the door of his bedroom.

His heart beats faster as he sits with his family later at diner, feeling anxious about what his father has to say.

“Your grades are better.” his father starts. “Did you think about what you’re going to do next year? Which university do you want to get into?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“I’ve met Youngho’s mom. I think he will go to Busan. Do you perhaps want to follow him there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Youngho is a good kid,” his mom says softly. _Not like you,_ she doesn’t say but Taeyong hears it anyway.

“Yeah.” Taeyong licks his lips.

His parents know Youngho has a good influence on him. They know he’s probably the reason Taeyong is still alive and sitting at this very table right now. It’s obvious they’re hoping Taeyong will just leave the house next year so they won’t have to take care of him anymore, or well, they won’t have to pretend he’s family.

His parents are ashamed of him and would rather send him far away from there to protect their reputation. It used to hurt but now he's made peace with it. He’s not wanted here. He’s not sure he’s wanted anywhere, but it’s fine. He doesn’t care. He stopped caring a long time ago.

“You should think about it, about going to Busan.”

Taeyong’s throat closes up in shame. Even his parents gave up on him.

 

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk) **

 

**From Youngho**

idk why you ditched today but talk to me?

**To Youngho**

family stuff. You know how they are…

**From Youngho**

what happened?

**To Youngho**

They want me gone next year

**From Youngho**

wtf???

**To Youngho**

it’s fine, I know they hate me

**From Youngho**

they’re your family...they don’t hate you

**From Youngho**

look, I know right now it doesn’t look like it but i’m sure they’ll come around and it’ll get better okay? You just have to prove them that you’ve changed that you’re better now

**To Youngho**

they didn’t care before so I don’t think they’ll care now

**From Youngho**

then fuck them! live your life without them! it’s not like you need them

**To Youngho**

yeah

**From Youngho**

you’re a great person okay? Remember: we all make mistakes.

**To Youngho**

are you my therapist

**From Youngho**

I would make a great therapist ;)

**To Youngho**

as long as it’s free ;)

**From Youngho**

I can think of other ways you could pay ;)

**To Youngho**

i’m not sucking your dick ._.

**From Youngho**

shame, it’s a great dick :P

**To Youngho**

shut up omg

**To Youngho**

but thanks

**From Youngho**

don’t mention it, dude

 

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE6wxDqdOV0) **

 

Youngho is only wearing sweatpants when he opens the door. Arching one eyebrow, Taeyong looks at him up and down. “I told you I wouldn’t suck your dick, dude.”

Laughing out loud, Youngho gestures for him to come in and to follow him to his room. “I just took a shower, stupid.” He grabs a tank top from his desk chair and puts it on.

Taeyong smirks, closing the bedroom’s door behind them. “Sure.”

“What?” Youngho snorts. “You think I’m trying to seduce you or something?”

Rolling his eyes, Taeyong toes off his shoes and drops his bag. “Are you?”

“Are you?” his best friend parrots. “Seduced, I mean?”

“I’m trying not to climb you like a tree right now but it takes a lot of control.” he deadpans before jumping on Youngho’s bed and sighing contentedly.

“I know I’m hard to resist.”

“Sadly, not everything is _hard_ right now.” Taeyong chuckles. “Sorry.”

“I’m wounded,” Youngho says, faking being offended.

“Alright, what are we doing today?”

Youngho wiggles his eyebrows. “I have beer.”

“I love you, man.” Taeyong says seriously.

“You’re so easy.”

Taeyong laughs heartily. “You wish!”

Youngho grins. Yeah, he kinda does.

 

[ **S** **aturday** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJTXDCh2YiA)

 

**From Unknown**

hi, I heard you’ve stopped hanging out with the gang. I think that’s good.

**To Unknown**

uh sorry but who is it?

**From Unknown**

I know you but you don’t know me. I’m just someone who saw you with the gang, it’s not important. Just wanted to tell you that you did good and that you should be grateful your bff saved your ass. he’s cool.

**To Unknown**

okay? Who are you? You don’t want me to know who you are?

yeah, he’s the best.

**From Unknown**

told you, no one important ;)

keep him

**To Unknown**

I will, if he wants to be kept that is.

why are you texting me now?

**From Unknown**

after what he did? He’s not going anywhere, trust me.

because /they/ got arrested yesterday, just thought you should now...

**To Unknown**

fuck...okay...thanks I guess then

**From Unknown**

don’t mention it, have a good life lee taeyong

**To Unknown**

uh, thank you? you too

 

Taeyong startles when Youngho’s feet pokes his waist. “Who are you texting?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbles, frowning.

Youngho arches one eyebrow at that.

“Just someone who knew me before?” Taeyong stutters. “They told me they were glad I stopped hanging out with the gang and that they were arrested yesterday.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah, so weird.”

“But they’re right.” Youngho says softly.

“They told me to have a good life.” Taeyong bites his lips, hesitates. “And to keep you.”

Youngho bursts out laughing. “To keep me? What does it even mean?”

Flustered, Taeyong shrugs. “They just said you saved my ass and that I should keep you.”

“That I did.” his best friend smirks. “And yes, you should _keep_ me.”

“It’s you who’s keeping me though.” Taeyong points out, amused.

“Only because you want to be kept.” Youngho purses his lips, becoming serious. “No one is keeping anyone though, you know that right? We hang out because we want to. We look out for each other. That’s what friends do. I have your back and you have mine. It’s a mutual thing.”

“Yeah,” Taeyong drops his gaze. “But I feel like you're giving more than you're receiving recently.”

Youngho straightens up, shaking his head. “That’s not how it works. You’re going through shits, so I’m here to help. You would have done the same for me if our roles were reversed.”

“I would.”

“See?” Youngho says, satisfied. “If I was in a bad place, I know you would be there too.”

Taeyong grins, nodding. Youngho squeezes his shoulder and lies back down on the couch to look back at the TV screen.

**[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSu5nAQ7uZw) **

 

These days, Taeyong always finds himself waking up in Youngho’s bed on Sunday mornings, hungover and feeling like shit. But it’s also nice to wake up somewhere safe. Somewhere he’s wanted. He can’t sleep well at home but here, in Youngho’s home, in Youngho’s bed, he sleeps like a baby.

Taeyong is grateful to have a friend like him. Youngho saved him from himself more than once after all. Still does. Taeyong owes him his life. Everyone but Youngho knows it, it seems. His best friend always acts like it’s not a big deal, but it is. Youngho came to search for him when no one else did. He kicked the gang’s asses and took him away from them, menacing them if they ever contacted Taeyong again.

He's dealt with Taeyong’s moods, anger, panic attacks, and period of withdrawal form the drugs. He stayed with him, comforted him, made sure he didn’t touch drugs anymore. He took care of him when he experienced withdrawal symptoms, hugged him to sleep when he was depressed, reassured him when he freaked out, stopped him from hurting himself...The list was long and could go on forever.

Taeyong was a mess. Youngho was his savior.

He’s reminded of his conversation with his parents. About Busan. About following Youngho there. He really wants to go, to be with his best friend. But he also doesn’t want to be a burden. He doesn’t want Youngho to feel obligated to take care of him. Youngho has to lead his own life too, without someone as fucked up as Taeyong to weight him down.


	4. Week #3

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gazW7MOqHzQ) **

 

Being back to reality is hard.

Taeyong’s weekend at Yongho’s has been so good. He misses it already. His best friend’s home is his safe place after all—or he should say _Youngho_ is his safe place. He’s been miserable and has been wanting to die for years at his own house. But he’s been fighting to stay alive in Youngho’s.

Life is funny like that.

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU9JoFKlaZ0) **

 

“Can you believe we’re only in September?” Taeyong groans, taking a drag of cigarette. “I feel like I’ve been there for years.”

“Don’t remind me...” Youngho sighs, looking up at the sky. “Smoking won’t make time go faster though.”

Rolling his eyes, Taeyongpouts and throws the cig away. “Life ruiner.”

“Life _saver_ you mean.”

Taeyong snorts.

**[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azlbHFsIcD8) **

 

Taeyong is good at pretending he’s fine. He offers soft and shy smiles to teachers, to his parents, to strangers. And it works. He doesn’t think he’s that good of an actor so they must not really care about him. If they did, they would probably see how fake his smiles are. How much he’s hurting. How much he’s struggling with life. But they don’t.

That’s okay though. He doesn’t care either. He knows he can’t count on them anyway. So it’s probably for the best. It’s not like they could understand. It’s not like they could help. It’s not like they could do anything about it now.

He drops his smile as soon as he closes his bedroom door and stops pretending he’s fine until the morning after, until the sun comes up again.

 

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwKkjLOHd7s) **

 

**To Youngho**

do you think your parents would be okay if I spent the holidays with you?

**From Youngho**

of course they love you

**To Youngho**

i’m sorry I don’t want to impose but...i really can’t stay at home…

**From Youngho**

no worries, i’ve got your back! My home is your home!

**To Youngho**

thanks it means a lot to me

 

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV1FrqwZyKw) **

 

Sometimes, Taeyong explodes. He looks into his mom’s eyes and just. Loses it. “You should never have been a mother.”

His mom stops talking about Busan, clearly offended. “What?”

“How can you call yourself a mother?” Taeyong snaps. “You’ve never cared about me, you’ve abandoned me when I needed you the most...and now...you want me gone. You want me out of your life permanently.”

“That’s not-”

“Where were you when I wanted to kill myself? Did you want me to die that badly? That’s why you didn’t do anything?” he cuts in. “Do you remember what you told me when you heard about the drugs? That I wasn’t your son anymore. That you didn’t know who I was anymore. That I was wrong and sick.”

“Taeyong-”

“You let Youngho and his family take me in and take care of me. It’s not what a mom does. It’s not what parents do.” Taeyong screams. “And now you want me to leave the town? You’re both disgusting.”

He doesn’t even listen to her replies and storms out of the house. He needs to get some fresh air. He mostly needs to get far away from _here_.

From _her_.

 

**[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc) **

 

Youngho invites him to a party with his teammates. He was afraid to feel awkward or out of place at first but he doesn’t. Youngho’s teammates don’t go to their school so they don’t know about the rumors, about Taeyong’s past. Taeyong can relax and enjoy his night with his best friend and his friends.

They play beer pong and get wasted, dancing and screaming the songs lyrics at the top of their lungs. Taeyong is giggling and laughing at them, with them. He’s having the time of his life. He glances at Youngho and grins when he sees his silly smile.

His best friend is even more drunk than him, swaying dangerously. If it wasn’t for Taeyong’s hold on him, he would probably fall on his face in the middle of the crowd. Taeyong tightens his grip on him and leans against his side.

“Don’t let go of me,” Youngho slurs with a dopey smile.

“Never.” Taeyong assures. “I’ve got you.”

At some point, someone tries to flirt with Taeyong but he rejects them. He has to keep an eye on his best friend. He’s not here to hook up, he’s here to have fun with his best friend. That same best friend who hugs him from behind and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Sorry laaaaaady, he’s mine tonight.”

Laughing hysterically, Taeyong doesn’t refute and plays along, nodding eagerly. “Sorry, my heart is taken.”

“Whatever.” The girl snorts, rolls his eyes at them and leaves to find her friends.

Youngho and Taeyong burst out laughing, but Youngho doesn’t let go of him until one of his teammates, Jaehyun if he remembers correctly, offers him another can of beer. Taeyong misses his warmth as soon as he lets go but Youngho doesn’t go far, staying close to him and bumping their shoulders together.

**[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgJFqVvb2Ws) **

 

Taeyong’s head hurts when he wakes up, so he doesn’t move a lot. His face is pressed against his best friend’s back, his arm around his waist. Youngho is still asleep and he feels comfy so he shuts his eyes again.

When they wake up for the second time, around 2PM, Youngho cooks him a snack and they stay in their underwears all day, playing video games and watching action movies.

Youngho’s mom finds them lying side by side half-naked when she comes home at 8PM and looks at them funny. She exchanges a look with Youngho but doesn’t comment, only asking if Taeyong stays for diner.

“If that’s okay...” Taeyong trails off, embarrassed.

“Of course, sweetie.” she replies, smiling warmly. “It’s your home too.”

Taeyong’s throat closes up and he nods, smiling gratefully. “Thank you.”

Youngho elbows him in the ribs. “Stop making it weird. You know you’re always welcome here.”

“I know, but still.” Taeyong sighs. “I wish my mom was like yours.”

“I know, buddy.” Youngho says softly. “My mom can’t be yours, but she can still be there for you.”

“She’s done so much for me already.”

“She likes you a lot.”

“I’m still amazed at that...” Taeyong mumbles, feeling insecure.

“That someone likes you?” Youngho frowns.

“Yeah.”

“Bullshit. Lots of people like you. Remember that girl yesterday? She sure liked you!” he teases.

“Shut up.” Rolling his eyes, Taeyong groans. “I don’t get how she could believe that we were together.”

“We look cute together.” Youngho comments innocently. “And _hot_. Girls dig that.”

“You are so weird.”

“What? You don’t think we look good together?”

Taeyong arches one eyebrow. “I never thought about that. But, yeah, I guess we do.”

Youngho smiles smugly. “You would totally smack that, admit it.”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Taeyong laughs, hitting him with a pillow.


	5. Week #4

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3wKzyIN1yk) **

 

“Someone invited me to this party on Thursday...” Taeyong announces nervously.

“A party on a Thursday? Weird.” Youngho replies, confused.

“I think I’ll go.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sick of being home.”

“You can crash at mine, you know.”

“I’m always at yours.” he sighs, embarrassed. “Besides you’ll be at practice, I don’t want to be at yours without you. It’ll be awkward.”

“You know I don’t mind.” Youngho shrugs.

“I know, I just...”

“It’s fine, no need to explain yourself. I’m not judging you or anything. If you want to go to a party, then go and have fun.” Youngho reasons, patting his back.

“But you don’t like it.” Taeyong adds.

Youngho huffs. “It’s not that I don’t like it per say, I’m just worried about you.”

“What could go wrong?” Taeyong snorts.

Youngho stays silent.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s fine. Just be careful.”

Taeyong gives him a small smile, relieved. Youngho is really the best. He didn’t know why he was so scared to tell him. His best friend had never judged him after all. But Taeyong is always waiting for the day he would have enough of his bullshit. He secretly hopes this day would never come though.

 

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RD38JT8rypY) **

 

Youngho made him promise to call him or to come to his house when it was bad at home. Taeyong usually did, but not today. Today, he stays home and cries his eyes out. He’s been fighting with his parents again and he’s exhausted and angry. He wants nothing more than to disappear, to run away, to forget about everything for a while. Or forever.

He always keeps a stash of joints hidden under his bed. Just in case. He knows he’s promised to never do drugs again but a joint won’t hurt right? He grabs it and lights it up with trembling hands. He exhales the smoke out of his window and sighs. Fuck. He’d needed it so bad. He lights up another one, then another, and ends up smoking them all.

Two hours later he’s high, his head is spinning and he’s smiling weirdly. He’s listening to this week’s CD and thinks about nothing. His mind is blank and he welcomes the peace. He falls asleep with his CD player still on with the voice of Beyoncé in his ears.

_When every promise don't work out that way, no no, babe  
When every promise don't work out that way _

 

 ******[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jzDnsjYv9A) **

 

**To Youngho**

I’m sorry I broke my promise, pls don’t hate me

**From Youngho**

what did you do???

**To Youngho**

I smoked...joints...and got high

**From Youngho**

are you okay? Did you get hurt?

**To Youngho**

no, I stayed home. don’t worry, i’m fine

**From Youngho**

good

**To Youngho**

are you mad?

**From Youngho**

no, i’m just glad you’re okay. Why you didn’t call me?

**To Youngho**

sorry, I just wanted to deal with it by myself for once you know?

**From Youngho**

well…

**To Youngho**

yeah I know, that didn’t go too good. Again.

**From Youngho**

it’s just joints, it’s okay. don’t beat yourself up too much.

**To Youngho**

sorry again

**From Youngho**

you don’t have to apologize. that promise was made for you, because I didn’t want you to hurt yourself.

**To Youngho**

still sorry

 

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrUvu1mlWco) **

 

Taeyong gets drunk that night, but he refuses to take drugs. Youngho would be proud of him. It’s tempting, he’ll admit, but he promised he wouldn’t touch drugs again. He’s already disappointed Youngho once this week, he doesn’t want to do it more.

Someone is dancing with him, their hands touching him everywhere but he doesn’t care. They kiss at some point, but Taeyong isn’t too sure.

Everything is blurry.

He just knows that he can’t stop.

Drinking. Dancing. Laughing. Kissing.

Forgetting.

 

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt4Tq89R8u0) **

 

**From Youngho**

how hungover are you?

**To Youngho**

too much to go to school

**From Youngho**

where are you?

**To Youngho**

At someone’s home don’t worry

**From Youngho**

are you coming to mine tomorrow?

**To Youngho**

sorry I have plans, another party

**To Youngho**

do you wanna come?

**From Youngho**

nope i’ll just chill at home

**To Youngho**

okay ttyl, see you on Monday

 

**[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFLhGq0060w) **

 

Taeyong goes out again that night.

He’s so drunk he can’t see straight. He doesn’t know how it happens, one minute he’s dancing on his own, the next he’s suddenly being kissed by a dude. What’s weirder is that he doesn’t mind that much that he’s kissing a boy. He finds himself making out with him for a few minutes. He only pulls away when he feels like puking, leaving the guy to find the bathroom.

He doesn’t know how he manages to go home afterwards, but he faceplants on his bed and falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

 

**[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w) **

 

Lying on his bed, Taeyong keeps thinking about the kiss and what it meant. He should probably freak out because he liked kissing a boy, but he doesn’t. He’s strangely calm about it. He wonders if that reaction is normal or if he’s in denial about his new found sexuality.

He presses play again and stops thinking.


	6. Week #5

 

There’s new rumors about him circulating at school on Monday, but those he doesn’t mind.

What if he kissed a boy? What if he liked it? They think he’s gay. He doesn’t care. He’s not sure he’s gay though, because he remembers liking kissing and fucking girls too last year. He’s probably bi, or pan. He doesn’t know. Does it matter?

The picture was posted on someone’s instagram. Taeyong knows why they did it. It’s easy to judge someone who’s already hated by everyone. Besides, they all love to gossip. To spread rumors about him. He’s the perfect target anyway.

What he cares about though, is Youngho’s reaction. His best friend can’t meet his gaze and avoids him like the plague. It confuses Taeyong to no end. After everything they’ve been through, Youngho would drop him because he kissed a boy? It doesn’t make sense, but there’s no other explanation.

His week is awful. Youngho doesn’t meet him at the cafeteria, doesn’t reply to his messages and brushes him off when Taeyong tries to talk to him at school. Taeyong doesn’t understand shit. He didn’t receive his weekly mixtape too.

Taeyong has never felt so alone before.


	7. Week #6

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY2yjAdbvdQ) **

 

There’s a mixtape in his locker that Monday morning.

Excited and relieved, Taeyong listens to it as soon as he’s home that night. He’s confused by the first song and its meaning though. Does his secret admirer is jealous of the boy he kissed?

 

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo) **

 

Youngho still doesn’t talk to him and doesn’t reply to his messages. So Taeyong stops trying. Youngho probably needs space. Taeyong doesn’t understand why, but he needs to respect his wish. It’s the least he can do.

 

**[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlDInVqv8cs) **

 

**To Youngho**

I miss you

 

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB-RcX5DS5A) **

 

The boy he’s kissed posts a text explaining they’re not dating that day. Taeyong doesn’t really care. He doesn’t care what people think anyway. But it’s probably a good thing for the boy. He wouldn’t want to be associated with Taeyong.

 

**From** **Youngho**

is it true? you’re not dating that boy?

**To Youngho**

yeah, why? Does it matter?

 

 _To you_ , he doesn’t add even if he desperately wants to know. His heart beats crazily as he waits for an answer.

Youngho doesn’t reply. Taeyong tries not to be disappointed and hurt.

He fails. 

 

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1TcDHrkQYg) **

 

Taeyong misses Youngho like crazy. He’s spent his whole life with him and now that they don’t talk to each other and don’t see each other daily, he’s realizing how important his best friend is for him. How much space he’s taking in his life.

It’s scary.

He smokes two joints that night. Youngho won’t know anyway. He probably doesn’t care anymore.

 

**[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcASPx3-HuI) **

 

**To Youngho**

I’m sorry if I did something that pissed you off but can you please talk to me so I can fix it?

**From Youngho**

you didn’t do anything wrong

**To Youngho**

then...why?

**From Youngho**

I just need to clear up some things

**To Youngho**

what did I do?

**From Youngho**

nothing wrong, sorry for shutting you out it’s not fair

**To Youngho**

I miss you

**From Youngho**

I miss you too

 

**[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvU7PetX36Y) **

 

The whole mixtape is weird this week. It’s like a love confession somehow, but it’s so sad and...helpless. It leaves Taeyong wondering if he knows the person who leaves those mixtapes.

Why do they seem so heartbroken?

It's strangely fitting though.

Taeyong's heart is also in pieces.


	8. Week #7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: don't scroll through Youngho's tumblr yet. Just read the posts linked.

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCin5hUvXag) **

 

Youngho is waiting for him in front of the school that morning. They don’t talk, but they walk side by side to Taeyong’s classroom.

It’s a good start.

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ELbX5CMomE) **

 

“I’m sorry.” Youngho blurts out after a long silence.

They’re sitting side by side in the cafeteria, like they used to.

“It’s fine.” Taeyong shrugs.

“No, it’s not.” Youngho sighs, frustrated. “I’m really sorry. I’ve been...dumb.”

“Okay,” Taeyong says softly. He wants to ask more, but he’s scared of hearing the answers. “Are we...okay?”

Youngho smiles. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

 

**[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwgf3wmiA04) **

 

Someone pushes Taeyong in the hallway. Hard. Confused, he’s too shocked to react. In the end, he looks down at the floor, his shoulders slumping, and heads to class with clenched fists. He’s careful not to run into anyone though, keeping his distance.

 

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWZGAExj-es) **

 

“Let’s eat lunch outside today, yeah?” Youngho offers when they meet before class.

Taeyong can only nod, unsure of what it means. It’s obvious Youngho wants to talk to him. He just hopes his best friend won’t get angry at him or won’t say he’s had enough of being his friend.

Youngho buys him lunch, it’s only KFC but still. It counts.

Taeyong fidgets as they start eating in silence. He’s confused and scared.

“So...” Youngho begins, making Taeyong look up. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now.” He licks his lips, hesitates.

“Is it about...me?” Taeyong inquires, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans.

His best friend frowns, shaking his head. “No. It’s about me.”

Taeyong furrows his eyebrows, waiting.

“I...I’m gay.” he announces quietly, watching Taeyong like a hawk.

Clearing his throat, Taeyong blinks a few times. “Okay.”

“Okay?” his best friend parrots softly.

“Yeah,” Taeyong shrugs. “What do you want me to say? It’s fine. Great. I mean, you know I wouldn’t stop being your friend or something as stupid right?”

Youngho’s shoulders relax, but his expression turns guilty. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry.” Taeyong says, his eyes softening. “I get it. It’s scary.” He pauses. “Is that why you freaked out when the picture of me kissing that guy appeared?”

“Uh, yes and no. It was dumb.” Youngho grimaces.

Taeyong sighs. “I heard some nasty stuff, so I can’t blame you. You don’t have to...tell everyone, you know?”

“My mom knows. She’s known for a while, probably before _I_ even knew.”

“It makes sense. Your mom is awesome, man.” Taeyong grins before turning serious. “Are you okay? Are we okay?”

Youngho nods slowly.

“Great.” Taeyong beams, smiling widely for the first time in two weeks. 

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkqVm5aiC28) **

 

**From Youngho**

come to mine tomorrow?

**To Youngho**

are you sure?

**From Youngho**

yeah, why?

**To Youngho**

thought you wanted to be alone or something

**From Youngho**

I want you there

**From Youngho**

please?

**To Youngho**

i’ll be there :)

**[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOubzHCUt48) **

 

Youngho offers Taeyong to go to another party that night. At one of his teammates’ house again, Doyoung's this time around.

It’s funny because Taeyong had never really hung out with Youngho’s teammates before. Taeyong had his gang, Youngho his teammates and both of them hung out mostly at Youngho’s. They’ve never shared each other with anyone else.

It’s weird for Taeyong to see Youngho joking around with his friends. He thought he would feel jealous but he’s not. Youngho makes sure he doesn’t by bringing him into every conversation and talking about him or about them at every opportunity.

Taeyong doesn’t know how to feel about that. Mostly grateful though.

He sees how Youngho’s friends smile when his best friend’s arm comes around his shoulders and feels himself blushing. He wonders if they know Youngho is gay. Perhaps they think Taeyong is his boyfriend? Either way he doesn’t care. He can be Youngho’s anything really.

**[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM) **

 

Youngho is still asleep by the time Taeyong’s eyes blink open. He pulls himself away from Youngho’s warm embrace and rolls onto his back. His best friend’s breathing is calm, relaxing. He doesn’t like lying there doing nothing though.

He grabs Youngho’s computer which is beside the bed, where Youngho put it after they’d watched a movie yesterday night. He opens tumblr and purses his lips in thoughts. Youngho’s [last reblogged post](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/post/162763654170/i-like-how-sleeping-next-to-someone-means-more) is strangely fitting.

Well, that’s how he feels when he’s lying there, next to Youngho. It’s probably the most intimate thing he’s ever done with someone. Truthfully, Taeyong has never lied with anyone else. He can’t even imagine doing so with anyone else.

He scrolls down the page and stops at [another post](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/post/162763661405/my-life-is-a-struggle-between-my-need-for). He feels guilty. He should have been there for Youngho. His best friend obviously needed him when he struggled to come to terms with his sexuality. How many nights Youngho had lied awake at night scared and confused? It breaks Taeyong’s heart to picture it. He didn’t want his best friend to experience those lonely nights.

[Another post](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/post/162763668225/lovemelikenutella-i-need-someone-who-will-sit-on) catches his eyes and Taeyong wonders for a minute if Youngho likes someone. It would make sense that he does. He probably realized he liked guys because of someone, right? Taeyong doesn’t reckon anyone he’s met who could be _the one_ though.

He’s still thinking about it when Youngho stirs, groaning as he opens his eyes. “Good morning,” he rasps.

Taeyong grins and puts the computer away. “Hey, did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.” Youngho mumbles, smiling. He looks and sounds content, staring at Taeyong’s face with a warm gaze.

Taeyong has to look away, standing up quickly. “Dibs on the shower!”


	9. Week #8

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlVBg7_08n0) **

 

The first song of this week’s mixtape confuses Taeyong. He wonders if his admirer thinks he’s gay or if they are themselves gay. For a minute he’s worried they know about Youngho, but they can’t. Only Taeyong knows and he would never tell anyone about Youngho’s secret.

 

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F37r50VUTQ) **

 

**From Youngho**

i’m drnk nd in front of ur houss

**To Youngho**

what

**From Youngho**

opn pls

Taeyong curses when he sees Youngho sitting rather pitifully in his driveway. He quickly runs down the stairs, pulls the front door open and grabs Youngho’s arm. “Why are you here? Are you drunk?” he shout-whispers. “Oh my god, what happened?”

Youngho only grunts. “Wanted to see you.”

Watching his face worriedly, Taeyong helps him up and walks him to his door. “We have to be quiet.”

Helping a drunk Youngho up to his room is harder than he thought and he blames his best friend’s muscled form and ridiculous height. When they’re finally safe behind Taeyong’s closed door, he lets Youngho fall onto his bed and sighs loudly. He’s never seen Youngho like this before. It’s usually Taeyong who gets drunk until he passes out in front of Youngho’s door.

Worried, he starts undressing his best friend, making sure he’s comfortable, and puts a blanket on his half-naked body. Youngho hums, burrowing his face in his pillow, inhaling his scent. “Smells good,” he mumbles.

Taeyong snorts. “You’re so drunk my friend, I’ll never let you live it down.” He smiles fondly and pets Youngho’s hair. “I hope you won’t be too sick tomorrow.”

When Youngho starts snoring, he leaves the room to grab a basin, just in case. Then, he carefully slides under the cover next to him, pressing his face against Youngho’s shoulder blades.

It’s been a while since Youngho has slept in his bed. He stopped coming after everything came crashing down with Taeyong’s parents. Taeyong knows his best friend hates them. Probably even more than _him_.

 

**[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYAghEq5Lfw) **

 

Youngho is apologetic when he wakes up. He keeps saying sorry, avoiding his eyes as he burrows himself under the cover to hide his face.

“Don’t be,” Taeyong repeats for the nth times. “All the times you’ve taken care of me...”

Taeyong takes pity on him and brings him breakfast in bed. Youngho already looks like shit so he’s not going to make him meet Taeyong’s parents. Besides, Taeyong doesn’t want his parents to know Youngho is there and judge him too.

“Thanks,” ashamed, Youngho offers him his best puppy eyes as he eats slowly.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“My head hurts. Just a bad hangover.” he shrugs. He’s still not meeting Taeyong’s eyes.

Taeyong hums. “You can skip today.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want me to stay with you?” he asks nonchalantly.

Youngho shakes his head ‘no’. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

Frowning, Taeyong hesitates. “Do you need anything?”

“I’ll just sleep it away.” Youngho says.

“My parents won’t be home until 7PM tonight, you can stay here if you want.”

“Thanks,” his best friend says. “I’ll take a nap and leave later if that’s okay?”

“Sure. Of course. Call me if you need anything, yeah?”

Youngho nods.

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kqQDCxRCzM) **

 

**To Youngho**

you know you can talk to me right?

**From Youngho**

I know, thanks

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oextk-If8HQ) **

 

Youngho is silent as he walks. Taeyong still doesn’t know where they’re going, he didn’t ask. He doesn’t really care either way, he trusts Youngho. He’ll follow him anywhere.

The silence is comfortable between them, as usual. But Taeyong can tell something is bothering Youngho. His best friend looks fidgety.

When they stop, they’re at the playground they use to go after classes in middle school. Taeyong smiles and pratically runs to the swings. Youngho follows him and sits to the swing next to his.

“It’s been a while.” Taeyong laughs.

Youngho doesn’t reply and starts swinging back and forth. Taeyong imitates him, closing his eyes and letting gravity does its work. He waits a few minutes, then breaks the ice.

“So,” Taeyong trails off, letting his foot drop on the floor to stop the swing. “Why are we here?”

Youngho stops too, then looks at him expectantly. “Thought it would be nice.”

“Nostalgic?”

“Something like that.” his best friend shrugs.

Taeyong watches him carefully, waiting for an explanation but nothing comes. Youngho keeps silent.

Taeyong can’t help but feel like he’s missing something. He just doesn’t know what or where to look for it.

**[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN4ooNx77u0&t=4s) **

 

**From Youngho**

if I wanted to leave the country, would you follow me?

**To Youngho**

lol where does that come from?

**To Youngho**

but yeah, ofc I would

**From Youngho**

because i’m family?

**To Youngho**

bc you’re all I have

**To Youngho**

it’s you and me against the world babe

**From Youngho**

snorts which movie does it come from

**To Youngho**

can’t remember but this line is cool

 

******[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cOCmC_m23E) **

 

**From Youngho**

I would never do anything to ruin out friendship, you know that right?

**To Youngho**

I know, i’ll prob be the one to ruin it, like i’m surprised I haven't done it yet

**From Youngho**

don’t be stupid

**To Youngho**

then you got your reply: don’t be stupid


	10. Week #9

 

No CD on Monday again.

Taeyong is once again confused. He’s missing something, he can feel it. But what? He grabs all the CDs, listens to them all, searches the lyrics and notes them down. He’s sure there’s a meaning behind those songs. The person didn’t choose them just for the hell of it. Besides, they hit too close to home to be sent by someone who doesn’t know Taeyong and his life well.

When he gets it, who’s behind those CDs, he feels dumb. He should have known from the start. It was so obvious since day 1. He feels really stupid now. There’s only one person who would take the time to do all those things for him. One person who knows him so well inside and out. One person who’s always right beside him. One person only: Youngho.

As he reads the lyrics of all the songs, makes a time line with all the events happening from these past few weeks, he gets it. He understands now why Youngho avoided him, why he felt guilty, why he said sorry so many times, why he’s been quieter, awkward sometimes. Taeyong gets it, because he’s been the same. He gets it, because he’s _felt_ the same.

Once again, they’ve been on the same page.

Once again, he’s fucked up though.

He tries to text Youngho, to call him, to see him but Youngho doesn’t reply to any of his texts or calls. He leaves hundredth messages until his voicemail is full, then realizes Youngho’s phone is probably turned off. When he comes by his best friend’s house, Youngho’s mom says he’s sick. She doesn’t let him in. She looks conflicted and sad and it makes Taeyong feel like shit so he doesn’t come back.

He’s mad at himself for not realizing sooner, for being this oblivious and selfish. He can’t believe he didn’t see the signs, the clues. Youngho has been so obvious, so open about it. The mixtapes, the cuddles, the words, the texts, the absence, the jealousy, his coming-out...It all makes sense now, why Youngho has been acting so strange these past few weeks.

Taeyong has been too blinded by his own personal issues and struggles to see what was happening in his best friend's life. He's been so far up his own ass that he probably missed his chance at being there for his best friend, at giving him back everything he'd received from him, at making him happy.

And at being happy too. 


	11. Week #10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder: don't scroll through Youngho's tumblr yet. Just read the post linked.

 

**Monday**

 

Taeyong runs to buy a CD at the closest 7/11 down the street first thing in the morning on Monday.

He can’t fuck this up. He really can’t. Youngho has been there for him for so long, always taking care of him and helping him. Loving him. Taeyong really can’t fuck up now. He can’t lose the most important person in his life. He can’t disappoint him after all they’ve gone through together. He has to show him how much he means to him, how much he needs him, how much he cares for him, how much he loves him.

He's also done feeling sorry for himself and not doing anything about it. No more depressing shit. No more drunken nights. No more drugs. No more running from his responsabilities and life choices. This time he'll do it, he'll make it right, he'll fight back. Because there's no way he's losing Youngho. There's no way he's letting him go without a fight. There's no way he's giving up on _them_.

He’s out of breath when he’s back to his room. Having spent his whole Sunday listening to hundreds songs to find the right ones, the best ones to convey his feelings, he quickly searches for the songs he needs and copies them on the CD. Youngho has to understand the message. He has to. So Taeyong writes the most important lyrics on notes. Just in case. He can’t lose Youngho. He just can’t.

When he’s done, he runs to Youngho’s house and puts the CD in the letter box. He stares at Youngho’s closed window and bites his lips, nervous. Grabbing his phone impatiently, he quickly sends him a text, hoping Youngho has turned on his phone and will read it.

 

**To Youngho**

hi Youngho, I know you want nothing to do with me right now but pls listen to the CD i’ve left in your letter box. i’m sorry.

 

With one last look in the direction of the window, he leaves, dejected.

 

_I'm not good with words so...I thought I could make you a mixtape too._

_Please listen to all the songs today, it's important, okay?_

 

[1.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWRsgZuwf_8)

_Your eyes, they shine so bright_  
_I wanna save that light_  
_I can't escape this now_  
_Unless you show me how_

 

[2.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcrbM1l_BoI)

_Feeling my way through the darkness_  
_Guided by a beating heart_  
_I can't tell where the journey will end_  
_But I know where to start_

 

[3.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn6-c223DUU)

_Yeah, yeah I could use a dream or a genie or a wish_  
_To go back to a place much simpler than this_  
_Cause after all the partying and smashing and crashing_  
_And all the glitz and glam and the fashion_  
_And all the pandemonium and all the madness_  
_There comes a time when you fade to the blackness_

 

[4.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzTuBuRdAyA)

_I only call you when it's half past five_  
_The only time I'd ever call you mine_  
_I only love it when you touch me, not feel me_  
_When I'm fucked up, that's the real me_  
_When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, babe_

 

[5.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en2D_5TzXCA)

_I bow down to pray_  
_I try to make the worse seem better_  
_Lord, show me the way_  
_To cut through all his worn out leather_  
_I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away_  
_But baby, I just need one good one to stay_

 

[6.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-M1AtrxztU)

_We set out on a mission to find our inner peace_  
_Make it everlasting so nothing's incomplete_  
_It's easy being with you, sacred simplicity_  
_As long as we're together, there's no place I'd rather be_

 

[7.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV4DiAyExN0)

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_  
_It's something I must live with everyday_  
_And all the pain I put you through_  
_I wish I could take it all away_  
_And be the one who catches all your tears_  
_That's why I need you to hear_

 _I've found a reason for me_  
_To change who I used to be_  
_A reason to start over new_  
_And the reason is you_

 

**Tuesday**

 

When he receives a text at 11PM that night, Taeyong doesn’t know what to expect.

 

**From Youngho**

[let’s be weird together](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/post/162789361000/i-am-weird-you-are-weird-everyone-in-this-world)

**To Youngho**

told you: you and me against the world babe

 

He can’t help but grin widely, unable to fall asleep.

 

**Wednesday**

 

Taeyong walks to school with a skip in his step. He bites his lips when he sees Youngho standing in front of the gate.

“Hey,” he starts nervously.

Youngho looks up from his phone and his eyes widen. There’s dark circles around his eyes too. “Hey.”

“Um, let’s eat lunch together later?” Taeyong offers shyly.

His best friend nods. Taeyong beams.

 

“We’ve never been this awkward with each other before.” Youngho mumbles, annoyed.

Taeyong laughs. “It’s probably normal considering...” At Youngho’s smirk, he pouts. “I’m not saying it first.”

“What?”

“What?” Taeyong repeats.

Youngho appears confused.

“That I like you.” Taeyong whispers.

“You’ve just said it though.” he grins, raising his eyebrows.

“Shut up.” he groans, but can’t keep the smile off his face.

 

They go to Youngho’s house after school. No one is home yet, so they’re left alone. Taeyong is weirdly nervous to be in Youngho’s house for the first time ever. He bites his lip and drops his bag on the floor, padding to his bed. He tries to do it casually but his heart is rabbiting in his chest and Youngho stares at him from his desk.

Their eyes meet and Taeyong chuckles. “Well, this is weird.”

“Kinda.” Youngho smiles.

“Um. You can sit with me.”

Youngho closes the door of his bedroom and walks toward the bed. He doesn’t sit though, just hovers awkwardly in front of Taeyong. Taeyong sits up straighter, looks up at him and lifts a hand to grab his shirt, pulling him forward. Youngho nearly falls on top of him, letting out a surprise noise, but keeps himself balanced with his hands on Taeyong’s shoulders.

Taeyong curls a hand around his nape and smiles at his reddening face. “Come on, kiss me.”

Hesitating, Youngho bends down a little more, watching him for a reaction before pressing his lips to his chastely. He tries to pull away but Taeyong grunts and pulls him harder. Youngho really falls this time, rolling to his side before he could crush Taeyong and they burst out laughing.

“Sorry, sorry,” he says, still cackling.

Taeyong shakes his head and rolls over, plastering himself against his side. “It’s a great story to tell our children later.”

Youngho smiles warmly. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Why are you even asking?” he snorts, puckering his lips in invitation.

Grinning, Youngho turns to his side and cups his face delicately. He kisses his mouth softly at first, moving his lips slowly, before coaxing his mouth open and deepening the kiss. They keep making out for long minutes, rolling on the bed, taking pauses to look at each other’s eyes and breath into each other’s mouth...

Until Youngho’s mom starts knocking on his bedroom’s door.

“Youngho, are you home?”

Youngho clears his throat. “Yeah?”

His mom takes it as a sign to open the door. She looks at Taeyong and Youngho lying side by side on the bed, taking in their red cheeks and puffy lips. “Oh.” She smiles then. “You’re staying for diner?”

“Yeah, he’s staying.” Youngho replies, looking at Taeyong.

 

**Thursday**

 

**From Youngho**

meet me in the bathroom in 5? I still haven’t kissed you today :(

**To Youngho**

wait for me

Taeyong pushes at Youngho’s chest until they’re safely hidden in a cubicle when he barges into the bathroom. He tiptoes and kisses him hard on the mouth, circling his hands around his neck.

“Missed you,” he whispers against his lips.

“It’s been less than 3 hours since we last saw each other.” Youngho replies, amused.

“Says the guy who texts me in class because he wants a kiss.” Taeyong deadpans.

Youngho hugs him against his chest. “Shut up and kiss me. Let’s not waste time.”

Taeyong rolls his eyes but obeys, slotting their mouths together once more.

 

**Friday**

 

**From Youngho**

good morning <3

**To Youngho**

good morning <3

**From Youngho**

I have practice tonight, can you come to meet me in the locker after?

**To Youngho**

I can’t say no to sweaty men in various state of undress

**From Youngho**

you can only look at me

**To Youngho**

jealous much?

**From Youngho**

yeah

**To Youngho**

won’t it be weird that I come?

**From Youngho**

nah we’re bros

**To Youngho**

bros who kiss and suck e/o dick tho

**From Youngho**

not yet

**To Youngho**

;)

 

Youngho _is_ sweaty when Taeyong meets him after practice. He’s very sexy like that and Taeyong thinks it’s a shame that he can’t jump him right then and there. He tries to keep his cool but from the way Youngho is glaring at him he’s not doing a very good job.

“You’re so obvious, oh my god.” Youngho whispers at some point. “Stop eye fucking me.”

Taeyong gawps, affronted. “I’m not!”

Snorting, Youngho stares at him pointedly. “I’ll take a quick shower, wait for me okay?”

“Can’t you shower later?” Taeyong asks innocently.

Youngho hesitates. He looks at his friends, at Taeyong, at his friends again and sighs. “Okay, let’s get out of here.”

Taeyong smiles in triumph. Youngho yells a “bye” at everyone, fist bumps with some of his friends and they leave. Taeyong waits until the door is closed and they’re far enough to grab his hand and lace their fingers together.

“Why didn’t you want me to shower there?”

“I’ve missed you.” Taeyong shrugs. “And I felt awkward.”

Youngho squeezes his hand.

“We can shower together at yours.” he adds naughtily, winking.

 

**Saturday**

 

When Taeyong wakes up in Youngho’s arms that time, it’s different. He would usually roll away but now he doesn’t have to. He snuggles closer and rubs his face against Youngho’s chest, pressing a few butterfly kisses on the skin there.

“Good morning, babe.” Youngho mumbles sleepily.

“Morning.”

 

**Sunday**

 

“Hey, we didn’t like...talk or anything so,” he licks his lips. “Are you my boyfriend now?”

Taeyong pecks his lips. “Yes, we’re boyfriends. I mean, if you want.”

Youngho grins. “Of course I want it.”


	12. Week #11

 

**[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8DHyqoIaiE) **

 

Taeyong smiles widely when he finds a brand new CD in his locker with a little note “ _let’s make our very own mixtape <3_”. 

 

**To Youngho**

you’re such a sap

**From Youngho**

you love me

 

“I do,” Taeyong mumbles to himself.

 

**To Youngho**

I choose the first song for today: Elsa & Emily – Run <3

 

**[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWA2pjMjpBs) **

 

**To Youngho**

I told my parents I would spend the rest of the week at yours, is that okay? <3

**From Youngho**

Of course, babe. My door is always open for you. <3

 

“Today’s song is Diamonds by Rihanna,” Youngho says smugly when they snuggle on the bed that night.

Taeyong kisses his jaw. “You’re really a sap, babe.”

“Your sap.”

“My sap.” Taeyong repeats heatedly, trailing his lips on his neck, then his collarbone, his chest, his abs...then _down, down, down_.

 

**[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ke4480MicU) **

 

“I hate that you think you’re a fucked up.” Youngho confesses quietly, looking pained.

“But that’s what I am.”

“No, you’re not. You’ve made some mistakes but you’re not a fucked up, babe.” Youngho insists, his fingers tracing Taeyong’s face tenderly. “We all got issues. I have mine too.”

Looking down, Taeyong sighs. “I know.”

“Please don’t ever think I deserve better than you, that _I’m_ better than you, okay?” he continues. “Because that’s bullshit.”

Taeyong offers him a small smile. “I’ll try.”

“Good, that’s all I ask.” he murmurs, slotting their mouth together.

“We’re still keeping the song on the mixtape because I love it.” Taeyong says stubbornly when they pull away.

Youngho sighs but accepts.

 

**[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGwWNGJdvx8) **

 

“The way you’re looking at me right now...” Youngho warns him, leaning against the door frame of his room.

Taeyong bites his lips. “Looks like you’ve succeeded in seducing me in the end.”

“I should have stripped earlier, damn it!”

“That towel needs to go.”

“What? Wanna suck my dick?” Youngho teases. “Now?”

“Maybe.” Taeyong smirks.

Youngho laughs, closes the door and joins him on the bed, bending down to kiss him good morning. As delectable as Youngho looks, Taeyong isn’t sure he wants to blow him when Youngho’s parents are in the room next to them. When he tells him that, Youngho pouts but gets dressed.

He starts singing Ed Sheeran’s song “Shape of you” as he watches Taeyong gets up naked from his bed. Taeyong laughs loudly and shakes his hips sensually before he disappears in the bathroom to take a shower.

_I'm in love with the shape of you_   
_We push and pull like a magnet do_   
_Although my heart is falling too_   
_I'm in love with your body_   
_And last night you were in my room_   
_And now my bedsheets smell like you_   
_Every day discovering something brand new_   
_I'm in love with your body_

 

**[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSD4vsh1zDA) **

 

“Do you trust me?” Youngho inquires, kissing his lips.

“With my life.”

Pleased, Youngho squeezes his hand tighter. “Follow me, I’ve got a surprise.”

They walk for about fifteen minutes and find themselves in front of a McDonald. “Really?” Taeyong snorts. “What do you take me for? A cheap date?”

“I’m a high school student, babe.” Youngho mumbles, embarrassed.

Taeyong’s expression softens. “I’m joking. It’s perfect.”

When they’re done eating—grossly—Youngho laces their fingers together and leads him somewhere else. They stop in front of a house and Taeyong can hear music playing.

“Where are we?”

“It’s a childhood friend of mine who’s hosting. He goes to another school, no one knows us here.” Youngho explains. “Let’s have fun, yeah?”

Taeyong hesitates but Youngho’s gaze is hopeful. He nods.

They get drunk out of their asses, dancing and grinding against one another in the middle of the room. No one looks at them funny. Feeling more confident, Taeyong doesn’t hesitate to circle his arms around Youngho’s neck to kiss him languidly. They keep drinking and dancing, Taeyong turning around in Youngho’s arms to plaster his back to his boyfriend’s chest, moving his hips sinfully in rhythm with the music.

Youngho groans into his ear when his ass rubs against his hardening cock and starts mouthing at the skin on his nape. Taeyong feels hot and sweaty, his heart beating hard and fast, his skin on fire where Youngho’s touching him. He’s never felt more alive than now. He pushes his hips back against Youngho and his boyfriend bucks up, his hands gripping his waist tightly to keep him close. His lips don’t leave Taeyong’s skin, making their way to his jaw, and lips.

They kiss until they can’t breath, still dancing and rubbing against one another. Needing more, Taeyong finally pulls away and grabs Youngho’s hand to leave the room. He pushes him against a wall in the corridor, making sure no one is there, and kisses him hungrily. Their hands travel under each other’s clothes and Youngho moans when Taeyong palms him over his jeans. He sucks on Taeyong’s tongue but stops his hand.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Taeyong has never agreed so fast.

 

**[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc) **

 

They stay inside all day on Saturday, rolling on the bed kissing, snuggling, touching. Just _being_.

 

**[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=450p7goxZqg) **

 

Youngho’s family won’t be home all week and Taeyong knows it. It’ll be the first time they’ll have the whole house just for them. Taeyong is excited, but also nervous. Sure, they’ve fooled around since last week but everything stayed pretty much tame and above the belt or over clothes. Well, minus one blowjob. But now that they’re left alone, he knows they won’t stay as innocent. Not that he minds.

He’ll also get to wake up every morning to Youngho’s face and go to sleep in his arms too. That’s pure bliss. That’s heaven.

Youngho presses a kiss to his temple and Taeyong looks up. “What's on your mind?”

“All the sex we'll be having once your parents leave.” 

His boyfriend bursts out laughing. “Yeah? What if I don't want that.”

Taeyong frowns, getting up on his elbow. “You not wanting sex?” he snorts, amused. “Yeah, right.”

“I don't always think about sex.” he points out, playing with Taeyong's hair. 

“That's what he says.” he laughs. “What's the first thing you've said to me this morning?” He pauses for a dramatic effect. “Oh, yeah! _Babe please get me off_.” he mimicks. 

Youngho pouts, blushing slightly. “In my defense, you were rubbing against my dick. I was horny and you know I can't resist you.”

Taeyong throws him an incredulous look and tries to roll away from him but his boyfriend grabs his waist and hugs him tight. “No, let me go!” he gasps when Youngho starts peppering kisses to his face and neck. 

“I love you.”

Stunned, Taeyong stops moving, and stops breathing. He feels Youngho tense up behind him.

“Too soon?” Youngho whispers softly, his hold on him loosening. 

When Taeyong turns in his embrace, Youngho's face looks pained. His gaze is searching, apprehensive, scared. Taeyong kisses his lips softly. “I love you too.” 

Just like that, the tension is broken and Youngho exhales loudly, cradling Taeyong's face and rubbing their noses together tenderly. Taeyong pecks his mouth a few times teasingly before pillowing his head on Youngho's arm, staring at him and caressing his hip. Grinning, Youngho hums in content, the tips of his fingers brushing his boyfriend's face delicately. 


	13. Week #12

 

[Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EX6uBJ8N8c)

 

**From Youngho**

 that’s us

**To Youngho**

stop searching for memes and come cuddle with me on the couch

 

“Miss me already?” Youngho teases, plopping down on the couch ungracefully.

Taeyong rolls his eyes and slides closer, letting his head drop on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“What are we watching?”

“Pretty woman.” Taeyong replies.

“You’re kidding?”

Frowning, he looks up at Youngho’s face. “No, why?”

“So cheesy...” Youngho chuckles, poking his side.

Taeyong splutters. “You’re the one to talk!” He pouts. “I’ve seen your tumblr posts, I know you like that shit.”

Youngho stares. “Wait, you’ve looked at my tumblr?”

“I wanted to see what you liked to do and stuff.” he mumbles.

“Oh my god, for date ideas?” Youngho asks, his eyes glinting in mischief. “You wanted to romance me, babe?”

“Shut uuuuuuup!” Embarrassed, Taeyong blushes and tries to stand up but Youngho quickly hugs him against his chest.

“You’re so cute.” Youngho coes. “I love you so much.”

Blushing harder, Taeyong hides his face with his hands.

 

[Tuesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgI0oExkl20) 

 

They’re kissing on the bed that morning, taking their sweet time exploring each other’s body, roaming their hands all over each other’s skin sensually. The atmosphere becomes quickly heated as their mouths connect again and again wetly, Taeyong straddling Youngho’s hips.

Youngho’s lips wander on Taeyong’s neck and chest as he hoists him further up on his lap, curling a hand around his nape to keep him in place. Taeyong moans softly, fisting his boyfriend’s hair. “You’re so sexy,” Youngho breathes out, sucking gently on his skin, a red mark blossoming there.

“You’re sexier,” Taeyong murmurs, his fingers tracing Youngho’s abs. “Look at all those muscles.”

“You like them?” his boyfriend inquires teasingly, kissing his mouth sweetly.

Taeyong sends him an incredulous look. “What do you think?”

“Is that why you like to come on th-”

Laughing, Taeyong cuts him off by placing his hand on his mouth. “Oh my god, shut up.”

Smirking against his palm, Youngho waggles his eyebrows.

“You’re the worst.” Taeyong snorts.

Youngho takes advantage of the distraction to knock him over, pushing him down the bed and settling between his thighs. He smirks as he pines Taeyong’s hands above his head. “You were saying?”

“It’s not fair, you’re bigger than me.”

“I thought you liked my muscles?”

“Not when you use them against me!” he whines childishly.

Youngho grins down at him and bends down to press a kiss to his nose. “You’re so cute.”

Rolling his eyes, Taeyong’s reply is cut off by Youngho’s hot mouth on his. The fight leaves his body and he melts, kissing back hungrily. When Youngho starts grinding their hips together, he gasps. “Fuck, please don’t stop.”

 

[Wednesday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEI4qSrkPAs) 

 

Youngho starts laughing loudly at his computer.

“What is it?” Taeyong asks from the bathroom. “Another meme?”

“Oh my god, I found another meme that describes us, babe.”

Grinning, Taeyong spits the toothpaste in the sink, puts his toothbrush in the glass next to Youngho’s and joins him on the bed. “Show me.”

Youngho turns the screen towards him. Taeyong cackles at the post.

“Yeah, that’s totally us. We’re going to starve if we move in together.” he snarks.

A silence follows and Taeyong looks up at his boyfriend’s face in curiosity.

“You want us to live together?”

Startled, Taeyong bites his lips. “Yeah...I thought...I mean...I would like to. If you want that is.”

Smiling widely, Youngho grabs his face to kiss him hard. “I would love to.”

“We probably need to take cooking classes first though.”

Nodding eagerly, Youngho beams. “Anything you want, babe.”

Taeyong smiles back shyly.

 

[Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_3d6GntKbk) 

 

Taeyong wipes his mouth with his wrist and crawls back up, kissing Youngho’s cheek softly. “Good morning,” he singsongs.

Panting Youngho hums. “Good morning to you too.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “Fuck, I could get used to this.”

Snorting, Taeyong stands up and heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he’s back in the room, Youngho is sitting against the headboard. He cocks his hip against the door frame and lets his gaze wander on Youngho’s naked form.

“Want me to return the favor?” his boyfriend asks seductively. Taeyong licks his lips. His cock jumps at the sight and Youngho smirks. “Is that a yes?”

“I thought we could...” Taeyong clears his throat. “Do something else for a change.”

“Yeah?” Youngho rises his eyebrows in question. “What do you have in mind?”

“Do you think...Would you...like to...with your fingers?” Taeyong hides his face with his hands, feeling embarrassed and shy.

“Come here,” Youngho says, his voice dropping an octave.

Excited, Taeyong obeys, straddling his hips. Youngho’s arms come around his middle and he caresses his lower back gently.

“Of course I would.” he says. “I want to do everything with you.”

“Do you have lube?” Taeyong whispers, cupping his face.

Nodding, Youngho opens the nightstand and grabs a little bottle. “We can stop anytime, okay?”

Taeyong kisses his lips. “I won’t want to stop, but thanks.”

Youngho smiles against his mouth, carding his fingers through his hair to deepen the kiss.

 

[Friday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SCaWesth9U) 

 

“Now that we’re official, can I tell my followers about you?” Youngho asks sweetly, rubbing his face against Taeyong’s chest.

Taeyong hums.

“Can I also post pictures of us?” he continues. “Pretty please?”

“Okay, but show them to me first.” Taeyong requests warily. “Anyone we know follow you there?”

“Nope.” Youngho admits. “No one. You’re the only who knows I have a tumblr anyway. It’s like...a personal diary.”

Taeyong smiles, petting his hair. “That’s cute.”

“I just needed a safe place for when things were bad.”

Biting his lip, Taeyong’s fingers trace his eyebrows. “I’m sorry. I should have been there for you.”

Youngho shakes his head firmly. “No. I had to get through this on my own.” He puckers his lips. “Now, no more depressing talk. Kiss me.”

Taeyong chuckles, meeting him half way.

 

 

“What do you think of this one?” Youngho asks, nudging Taeyong’s shoulder with his.

Taeyong looks at the picture thoughtfully. “Yeah, it’s fine.” he shrugs, going back to play on his phone.

Youngho types something and after a few clicks he turns the screen towards Taeyong again to show him [the post](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/post/162783693290/hello-meet-my-boyfriend). “We look cute!”

Taeyong grins as he reads the description. “We do.”

 

[Saturday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc) 

 

“Why did you have to kiss me in front of everyone like that?” Taeyong groans, annoyed.

Youngho looks apologetic. “I’m sorry but this girl kept looking at you...I just...I didn’t think okay?”

“So what, you’ll kiss me or touch me each time someone looks at me?” he snorts.

“If I have to...” his boyfriend mumbles.

At Taeyong’s glare, he drops his gaze.

“I’m sorry.”

Taeyong sighs loudly and goes to Youngho’s bedroom, closing the door behind him.

 

**From Youngho**

**To Youngho**

Really?

**From Youngho**

i’m sorry :(

**From Youngho**

pls forgive me?

**To Youngho**

**From Youngho**

is that a yes? Can I come in?

 

When Taeyong opens the door, Youngho is sitting in front of it on the floor, looking like a lost puppy. “I’m sorry.”

Taeyong smiles softly and helps him up, tiptoeing to kiss him. “It’s fine. I’m sorry too, I overacted.”

Youngho shakes his head. “I was dumb.” He kisses him. “Was that our first fight?”

“Kinda.”

“Do we get to have make up sex now?” Youngho murmurs.

“Oh my god, you’re the worst!”

“Is that a yes?”

Taeyong rolls his eyes and kisses him again, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into the bedroom.

 

[Sunday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD1Hw9k) 

 

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Taeyong confesses before they fall asleep that night. “This week with you was amazing. I don’t want it to end.”

“You can stay here, with me.” Youngho offers, his knuckles brushing his face. “Until graduation. Then we can move in together in Busan.”

“Are you...serious?” Taeyong inquires, feeling insecure. “About Busan.”

“Of course.” Youngho says seriously. “I want to be with you. I want to wake up next to you every morning and go to sleep with you in my arms every night.” His eyes soften. “I want us to fight for the shower, I want us to cook together, I want us to spend our weekend in bed...”

“Naked.” Taeyong adds. “All day.”

Youngho laughs. “I can already picture what our life together will be like.”

“It sounds nice.” Taeyong hums. “Like a dream.”

“Not a dream though.” Youngho breathes out. “We’ll make it a reality. Our reality.”

Taeyong smiles. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Youngho presses a chaste kiss to his lips. “I’ve loved you for so long.”

“I’ve been so blind...To say we could have been happy together for a long time...” Taeyong whines.

“No.” Youngho shakes his head. “It wasn’t our time yet. We weren’t ready for this. For us.”

Taeyong stares at him fondly, tangling their legs together. “You’ve always made me so happy.”

“You do too.” Youngho nuzzles his cheek. “We’re perfect for each other, we’re perfect together.”

His boyfriend smiles shyly. “Fuck yeah, we are.”


	14. Epilogue

 

**From Youngho**

**To Youngho**

shut up omg i'm so nervous

**From Youngho**

don't babe, you've already met them

**To Youngho**

as your bff

**From Youngho**

they'll love you

 

 

**From Youngho**

i love you ♥

[skiptothestart's new post](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/post/162787016035/i-told-my-friends-about-my-boyfriend-today)

 

 

**To Youngho**

i can't believe you got the idea from a meme???

**From Youngho**

oops

**To Youngho**

we're taking cooking classes next month. you can't say no.

 

 

[Their story continues here :) ](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/tagged/bf)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can scroll through [Youngho's tumblr](https://skiptothestart.tumblr.com/), you'll be able to understand him better and what's his relationship like with Taeyong before they're dating and after. You'll also read posts about his own struggles in life, e.g. his sexuality.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy going through the posts ^.^


End file.
